Dog-eared Pages

Claire's Theology on Pulling Cards

2010-02-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

Claire gets in trouble at school a lot. I mean a lot.

I am a rule follower. I was a teacher's pet all through school. Except Mr. Powell's 10th grade biology. We never hit it off. I'm not sure he hit it off with anyone.

I don't know what to do with a child who does not care to please her teacher through obedience. We are working through it, trying positive and negative reinforcement. She is currently working for a pizza Lunchable. She might be old enough to buy her own before she earns one. How can it be so hard for a child to be quiet for 4 consecutive days?! I think I could easily be quiet for that long, maybe longer.

Monday was bad--2 cards. Today, her teacher sent home a note reassuring me that Claire is not a bad child, she just likes to "talk and talk and talk." And she only pulled one card today.

That would have sent me into tears in Ms. Warren's kindergarten class. I still remember that one day I got in trouble in her class nearly 3 decades ago.

So we talked.

"Claire, why does Ms. Bailey have to say your name over and over and over to get you to stop talking?"

She replies with genuine sincerity, "Because Adam ate the fruit."

Claire and Ms. Bailey on P.J. day

Praying With Open Hands

2010-01-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

(I am returning to a series I started last February. Note to self: don't start something you can't finish. Or, better yet, finish what you start! Thanks to those of you who have asked for the "rest of the story.")

My longing for David grew over the next few months. I thought of him often, dreaming of what reciprocal love would look like with him. Each letter, each conversation, each minute spent together was bitter sweet. I loved spending time with him, but felt tortured in my heart. I prayed for something to happen almost every day.

At some point, I realized that, true to my old self, a relationship had taken my focus from my True Love. I knew, even at 18, that I could never be happy with David if Christ did not hold my heart fully. That's when I opened my hands and prayed.

(from my prayer journal, July 5, 1996)
I know that You love me, even if I don't see it at the time. You know my big concern is David right now. I want so much to begin a relationship with him. Sometimes I feel we are right on the verge of it and other times I think that it is the farthest thing from his (and Your) mind. I know there is a reason for him to be in my life. If nothing else, he has helped me grow, he has encouraged me, been and active ingredient to who I am now. He has also been a prime example of what I want in a husband and what I want in a relationship. I thank You for that in my life. . . .

I can see how the past 1 1/2 years of being single have been super. I have learned so much about You and me and who I am through You. I feel like I am ready for what you have for me. But, I am very far from knowing what is best. I know, or think, that I love David. I love him more than I have loved anyone. I want to be with him forever. But "my thoughts are not your thoughts." So, instead of worrying, wondering, and waiting for it to happen on my level, I give my concern to You. You can handle it better than me! I have read how you changed Pharaoh's heart to read your will. If it is not your will for me to be with David, I need my heart changed. I need to . . . stop reading stuff into our conversations. It can not be done by me, so I will stop trying. I give you my heart and my words.

(then, July 6, 1996)
It is a comforting thought to know that You have an ultimate plan. It's going to be hard, I think, waiting to see. I trust You with it because I know You know. But, it's hard to let it go. I don't want to. I want to love him. My heart is broken without him. Please, again, take care of my heart. Make it change as you see fit.

I met David that night for a movie. I left my heart with God and got in the car with David.

Untying Fear Knots

2010-01-30T06:08:00.000-08:00

I need to write this down. Make it real. A document to look back on when God's word is realized with a sleeping child in our home. A testimony that God's word, His timing, His purpose is personal.

Two weeks ago, I had 7 straight days of the words, "fear not." Sunday: the pastor's message. Monday: Crazy Love reading and Lifegroup discussion. Tuesday: in conversation with another believer, encouraging me to move from fear to faith. Wednesday: "fear" was the topic of our "Psychology of the Christian Life" study. Thursday: Beth Moore video. Friday: Respectable Sins reading (yes, I am reading 3 books at once). Saturday: Beth Moore homework. By the end of the week I was (ironically) a little afraid. I started thinking about all of the things God could be preparing me for with this "fear not" message.

Why do You want me to hear, "Fear not?"

For weeks, I have been turning over ministry in my mind. I know I am called to more than taking care of my family, going to church and work, this routine I am in. When scripture calls for me to give up everything for Christ, to die to myself and carry my cross, to care for the least of these, it is no joke. It is not a suggestion. It is a command. My life isn't a picture of sold out Christianity, of Crazy Love. I have been convicted by the safe life I have built.

Sunday, His personalized message became more specific. Through the movie The Blindside, I witnessed the power a loving family can have on one child. When David and I left that movie, we talked about what faith looks like, what living love looks like. I shared with him how the faces of Haitian orphans, new and old, are burned on my heart. When I think of helping Haiti, I think of bringing a child, void of parents, void of hope, into our home. I threw out the idea: what if loving God, living out our faith, loving the least of these means taking care of orphans. He didn't shoot the idea down as I might have expected (or secretly hoped because I am scared). He turned it over in his heart and mind, accepted that it is a very real possibility.

Adoption. A new idea to me. It sounds nice. But it scares me. I came up with one wh-question after another: where will we put them? who will help us pay? what kind of impact will it have on my kids? All the way to work Monday morning, God answered each one of those wh-questions with "FEAR NOT." The pounding from the week before took on new relevance. He prepared me for this call.

It gets even better! Monday night during Lifegroup, we drew numbers for our prayer partners. I learned the week before in the Esther study "The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord" (Pr 16:33). What a divinely inspired pair we became! As I shared my journey from fear to faith, a call to adopt, my partner shared she had felt the same calling only weeks earlier. God provided an opportunity to encourage and be encouraged. He also confirmed, once again, that this is real.

I visited the Show Hope website later that night. I read a scripture that became new and personal to me: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). I could almost sense God affirming His word to me. What He has laid out before me will happen. A mountain will move. I could not contain my tears. Tear of joy, fear, faith, promise, and hope. Hope for me and hope for a child (or children) who need to know God's love.

I have no firm vision of what comes next. I am reading, researching, sharing my thoughts with others. I have had additional bits of affirmation along the way. I love this conversation I get to have with my Lord! I want to keep my ears tuned to His voice. I don't want to miss a single minute of this journey to move a mountain and bring a child of God home with me!

A Child's View of Her President

2009-09-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

Claire came home with a rhyme she learned at school today. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over she sang out (to the tune of "nah-nah-nah-boo-boo") "I'm the king of the castle, [so-and-so]'s a dirty rascal." She did it until I thought my ears would jump right off my head and cover my laser-beam eye balls.

"Don't sing that again, please!" (times 3, because she never listens after just one request)

As we are getting ready for our Bible story, she starts again.

"I'm the king of the castle,
Obama's a dirty rascal!"

Although I had threatened to administer the much-hated corporal punishment for singing that song again, her deep insight left me speechless, but laughing.

Yes, dear. Obama is a dirty rascal (thought, not spoken--we're working on respecting authority).

And, since I haven't posted a SK funny lately:

A picture may not always be worth a thousand words, but this one is worth a few chuckles.

Dental Hygiene with Claire

2009-08-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

Claire is a master teeth-brusher. She is in charge of her own oral hygiene most mornings/nights. She does a great job (thanks to thorough instructions from her daddy who flosses twice a day--who does that, really?). She has made it to age 5 with no cavities, always a good report from the dentist.

Tonight, while brushing her teeth she educated the whole family on the importance of brushing your tongue.

C: "The nastiest part of your mouth is the back of your tongue."

Me: "How do you know?"

C: "It is dark and moist. I'd stay there if I were a germ."

Conversations with a 5 Year Old

2009-08-05T18:54:00.001-07:00

Claire: Mama, what's a "jockey"?

Me: It's someone who races horses.

Claire: Ooooh! You mean a "joppy!" I know what that is!

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Me: I love you so much!

Claire: I love you more than you love me!

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Me: Claire, why did you get in trouble at school today?

Claire: Me and Nathan were arguing about whose ice cream was the tastiest.

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Claire: Will we take Hermie's (our hermit crab) cage up to Heaven, or just Hermie?

Me: I think just Hermie.

Claire: But how will he change his shell?

Me: I don't know.

Claire: Maybe we could look around and collect shells for him and put them in a bag. Then we could hold onto the bag until we go to Heaven so he will have some in Heaven.

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This is a sampling of my conversations with Claire today. I wish I could capture each one of her five-isms from every day. It's one of the perks to motherhood--an interactive comedic show.

Claire Turns FIVE!

2009-06-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

roses from Daddy

the cake she decorated

Claire @ 5:

favorite color--red
favorite show--WordGirl and Imagination Movers
loves to laugh
she will say the same ridiculous thing over and over to get a laugh from her sister
wears the same rainbow sandals every single day
loves words, their meaning, their look, their sound
does not get tired--ever
learning to navigate her way on the computer
loves candy bucket, Mama, Nathan
wants to move to Chattanooga when she grows up
gets in trouble at school for talking, laughing, making noises, not stopping when she's told
reading 3 and 4 letter words
still loves to cuddle
wants to be a director, actor, or veterinarian
loves horses, unicorns, dolphins, rainbows
favorite toys: Barbie, books, My Little Pony, stickers, crayons, paper from my printer

And her Mama loves her more each day (most days). She is becoming this bubbly dreamer. Her eyes sparkle brighter than mine ever have, I am sure. I consider it an absolute blessing to be her mother.

Tired

2009-03-28T18:57:00.001-07:00

Because I'm tired of looking at those goofy curtains that I see in real life when I pull up my blog to direct me to other people's lives when I'm tired of my own . . .

Because I'm physically tired and my eyes are open only because I drank a cup of coffee at 7 p.m., which I will regret in 7 hours when I try to roll out of bed to make a cake for our church potluck since I'm too tired to do it tonight. . .

Because there are more things than the fatigue making me tired. . .

Because these two sparks are often times the source of my tired, and are the only things that keep me going when I'm tired. . .

Claire sending me a message: "I love you!"

Sarah Kate, the family sign language instructor
Sometimes saying "I love you" takes determination and concentrated effort.

When I got this shirt, I knew Claire would be thrilled. I told her about her new shirt over the phone.

"I don't want to wear boy's clothes."

"But it has sparkle on it," I say with convincing enthusiasm.

"But Superman is a boy."

"This is a Supergirl shirt with gold sparkle!"

I won her over. "OK! I can't wait to show Matthew!"

Bathroom Window Mistreatments

2009-03-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

I'm adding to my gallery of window mistreatments! I finished the two windows in our master bath tonight. It took me an hour and >$10, hardware and all. I have visions for our big windows in the family living areas. That will require some kid-free shopping time! My favorite part of the process: ripping the fabric. Very liberating!! And I LOVE the ribbon! I think I have enough left to trim out a shade for the lamp by my sink. Can I take the week off of work to decorate?!

before & after shots

Stop by and check this place out. Inspiration awaits you!

Snow Day

2009-03-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

our first steps in the snow

"Watch out Mama! I get you booty!"

our snow person, "Ice Kate"

my snow angels

Ice Kate

Changes

2009-02-28T20:43:00.001-08:00

We have been through some domestic changes over the last 2 weekends. It's a big deal for the eldest and youngest in the Smith house.

First, Sarah Kate got her BIG GIRL BED!

her last morning to wake up in the baby bed

helping Daddy set up the new bed

making the bed

I love this one. She is very attached to Baby, the blanket she is spreading over her pillow. Mama can shop and fret over which spread to get, but her Big Girl Bed isn't truly her's without that Baby!

my Sweet Baby

Next project. David needs curtains. He's on nights and has to sleep during the day. Now, the man can sleep under most any circumstances. I wish I had a picture to post here of my sweetheart sitting on the couch at 5 a.m., asleep, cup of milk in one hand and a half eaten PB&J on a plate in his lap. I couldn't help but laugh the morning I discovered that one! But, the poor guy does have a little trouble getting his 7 hours of dreaming with the bright sun filtering through the cracks in our blinds. We have a HUGE window facing the woods, a door to the deck, and a smaller window by my side. All great when you're be-bopping around the house. Makes the room light and airy. But when you're trying to sleep during the day--not so great. (Also not so great on those nights he's at work and I hear a bump in the night! Thank you, Ultimate Security!)

I gather my inspiration from Nester, $12 worth of brown twin sheets from WalMart ($3 each x 4 sheets), one package of upholstery tacks, a step ladder and my hammer. Following Nester's plans for window mistreatments, I get to work. I start a DVR Law & Order SVU, plug in the iron and start de-wrinkling my new sheets-turned-curtains. Iron, pause L/O, hang a panel. Iron, pause L/O, hang a panel. And so-on. The result:

BEFORE

(Please overlook the blind in need of repair. It will soon disappear!)

AFTER

I plan to add a little trim. I couldn't find anything that suited me at WalMart (de-bunking the myth that if you can't find it at WalMart, you don't need it). I would like to add some ties for the times David is among the living during the day.

I am also aware of the Adam & Eve disease my walls have. They are SO naked! I am collecting plates for over the bed. I'm also on the prowl for a new duvet or quilt.

Two new projects await us. I have one more sheet and some snazzy ribbon to mistreat my bathroom windows. David's project is to cover the one vent hole under the deck that our builder left open. There are two cats under my house going at it. Again. And again. And again. Oh, my stars! Cats in love are VERY loud!

2009-02-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

Kids are an endless source of malapropisms and misunderstandings. My collection for the week:

When I told Claire my friend sold a product "out of a catalogue," she asked, "does she tie it to some string and drag it around with the catalogue?"
Claire asked me who "the Mayor" was. "Who?!" She explained, "you know: (singing) 'Everywhere the Mayor went, the Mayor went, the Mayor went; everywhere the Mayor went, the lamb was sure to go.'"
Sarah Kate requested "horn dogs" for dinner tonight. That's CORN dogs.
She also discovered "tussy rolls" (tootsie rolls) this week. We rolled around laughing about that one! This is the PG version of what she started out saying before we corrected her!

Finally, one melt-my-heart comment from SK: "You're Kelly. You're my friend!" Always, Sweet Baby!

Living Out Sunday's Lesson on Monday

2009-02-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

Although funnies are sometimes saved for Fridays, this one couldn't wait! I'm in Walmart with the girls today, in the checkout line. Claire, getting a bit aggressive with her position in line, starts to play on the buggy in front of us. I ask her to please leave that nice woman and her buggy alone.

She whispers to me, "'cause she might be a widow?"

"What?"

"A widow. She might be a widow so I should leave her alone," she explains. I inquire about her new-found knowledge of widows. Quietly, of course, since said widow is close by, (slowly) loading her items on the conveyor belt while also trying to dig through her huge stack of coupons. Claire whispers, "a widow is someone who doesn't have a husband."

"Where did you learn this?"

"Sunday School," she replies. Trying to stifle the laughter that is fighting hard to find it's way out I manage to ask her why she thinks this lady (still working on completing her transaction) is a widow. "She's alone and she doesn't have a husband with her. That's why I think she might be a widow."

There are worse things your child can utter in the check-out line, I know. But, in that moment, I was thankful that our widow-friend didn't hear our conversation.

At least I hope she didn't!

Claire, after our eye appointment today. She looks super-cool in her eye doctor shades!

I Have Seen the Future

2009-02-14T04:36:00.000-08:00

(My Love Story continued.) After our first meeting, David and I spent the next year developing a friendship. I was running hard after God, trying to make up for lost time and past mistakes. He was trying to juggle work, family, and leading a bunch of students to a deeper relationship with Christ. I appreciated that last part immensely. I was so hungry for more, more, more of God. He had all of these wonderful concepts to share like motives, resisting temptation, and real time alone with God. His college brain full of ideas and truths learned at Campus Outreach and Dauphin Way amazed me. "Wow, God! You actually made men like this? There are men out there who love you and desire to follow you?"

I dated very little during this time. I spent several weekend nights at home alone with an old black & white classic, warm under my blanket. When I did venture out in the social realm with a guy, I found that I often compared him to what I saw in David. God had given me a glimpse of the kind of man I wanted to marry. I could not go back now! The prospects were too good. God had good planned for my future; I would not settle for anything less.

At the same time, David spent some of his weekends trying to create opportunities for the students at our church to learn the true meaning of Christian fellowship. We did the normal stuff: movies, eating out, concerts. The crowd, large at first, began to dwindle. Toward the end of his tenure as our student minister, it was down to about 3 or 4 of us. David became one of my closest friends. I was going through so much at home: dealing with the war between my parents, being an older sister, needing to be responsible and be a kid at the same time. Then there was the normal teenage angst of social pressures, juggling classes, deciding where to go to college, how to pay for it. He encouraged me toward faith and faithfulness through all of that.

The time came for my dear friend to return to Mobile to finish school. By this time, my heart was his, although he didn't know it. He did a great job of being responsible with his position as interim minister. He never stepped over the line or did anything questionable. Even still, I had fallen in love with my best friend. He left; I cried. We kept up with phone calls and letters over the next six months. When he came home for a visit, he usually made time for a reunion of our fellowship group. And sometimes it was just me, David, coffee, and good conversation. I looked forward to those visits more than anything.

I remember one of those nights in particular. I had just gotten the Friends haircut, made popular in the late 90's by Jennifer Anniston and Courtney Cox. I dressed up for the Athletic Banquet. I felt good (a stretch for me, as I had NO style in high school--still don't!). We met afterward for coffee and conversation. That was the first time I saw a hint of something in his eye. I had lived in hope for almost a year. My hope grew that night. Maybe this man is what God had for my future. We talked into the wee hours (thanks to the cappicino!) sitting in his car in my driveway. It was blissful!

My prayers changed after that night. My whole outlook on relationships changed. I didn't want anyone else but him.

The Preface

2009-02-10T04:32:00.000-08:00

Since this is the month of love, I thought I would chronicle my own love story. If nothing else, it will remind me how intensely I felt about David way back when, as the pace of our current life often causes me to have early-onset memory loss (as in, "why did I marry this man?!"). It is way too easy for me to slip into a cycle of survival and forget that one of God's greatest gifts to me is sleeping beside me (or on the couch as he tends to do after trying to stay up to watch "one more" show). I have decided that due to the nature of my life (hectic!), this will have to be a series of posts, chapters, if you will.

Today, the back-story.

In high school, I dated and dabbled in "romance" (does one really know what that is at 16?!). The Summer before my Senior year, I hit the relationship wall. My eyes were opened to my misplaced priorities. The pursuit of a relationship had taken place of my pursuit of Christ. I paid little attention to His desires for my life. Instead, I focused on my current boyfriend or the prospects that were ahead. What a roller coaster! When your happiness is dependent on an adolescent male, you are headed for trouble!

On July 3, 1995, it all came to a head. During the Sunday morning service (the last religious practice left in my life at the time), Ray Boltz's "I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb" was played. I was struck with the reality that, given the choice I may choose my own life over allegiance to Christ. That personal revelation rocked me. It was like looking into a distorted mirror at the fun house; I didn't recognize the image starting back at me.

I made the decision that it would be Christ. He would always be my answer. My life or His cross? I would choose His cross. I went forward, broken. I poured my sacrifice out on the alter (Psalm 51:17). I left the broken pieces of my heart, the hurt received and delivered, the shameful choices, the skewed priorities. He took them all. And all that would come.

After the service, eyes red from the cleansing, I saw him. He was the new interim youth minister. I knew that if I were going to actually live out my decision, he was one person I would need to know. I remember introducing myself. His smile was charming, but my vision was fixed on my Savior. Soon, the two images would share the same frame.

Idea for series inspired by : Amber @ The Run a Muck

Mama, I Have a Question

2009-02-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

Usually, when Claire prefaces a conversation with the title phrase, it's something trivial, like "what were you doing while you weren't sitting in that chair?" Tonight, she raised the stakes on me.

C: Mama, I have a question.

Me: Sure, baby. What is it?

C: How do I believe in God with all his heart?

Me: What?

C: How do I believe in God with all his heart so I can get baptized?

I will spare you my fumbled explanation. I was thrilled that my soon-to-be-five baby has started to process the Christian faith. I try to embody Deuteronomy 6:5-9 but know that I spend most of my time flat on my spiritual rump. To hear this child inquire about the things of Heaven both excited and frightened me. How wonderful that the small seeds planted are beginning to emerge from the soil. But, now my tender shoot is subject to so many elements, the most ominous being my influence. The response to her question, my response to our daily life--all of these things either shine light and offer water, or they choke out the Son.

We talked about it more over dinner with Daddy present. I think she is beginning to put the pieces together. I didn't realize how complicated God's grace and mercy are to explain. It is also simplistic. After all, Jesus encouraged "faith like a child." Thank GOD for the Holy Spirit, who takes our jumbled words and authors Truth in the hearts of others.

Our conversation terminated as Claire-like as it began.

Daddy: So, Claire, you can pray anytime to ask God to help you believe with all your heart that Jesus is enough to take care of your sins.

Me: And you can ask him to forgive you for all of your sins.

C: Well, I'm not doing it tonight!

The end!

Really, it's just the beginning!

2009-02-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

Last night Claire and I had a very serious conversation about her behavior. She has spent the entire week on the bad side of Mrs. Ashley's behavior rainbow. We talked about what she's been doing, who she typically gets in trouble with, and how to correct her behavior. She summed it up well: "Mama, I just can NOT get control of my mouth!"

Sweet Baby Morning

2009-01-31T13:26:00.000-08:00

Sarah Kate got to come to Mommy's bed early this morning after a fitful cough. She slept soundly after that--a nice surprise since she often sits up in my bed and invites me to play . . . at 3:30 a.m.! And that snotty breathing was a peaceful companion since David was working.

Later in the morning, I sat in my brown chair, reading, when I heard, "Mommy, come lay for me!" (We have some issues with prepositions.) How can I resist that? I snuggled up next to my baby girl. She sweetly stared into my eyes for the longest time, smiling. We both seemed to soak up this moment, knowing there are not enough of these kind in our lives. This moment where there is nothing pressing, nowhere to go, no one or nothing else in the whole world has our attention. It is simply mother and child.

She giggled after a bit. I had to tickle her. She giggled some more. Then, she had a plan. "Let's wake up, Mommy! I want some breakfast!" How did my 10 pound angle grow into a little kid who can tell me exactly what she wants? It's nice that both of my children can now articulate their needs. I don't miss the days of incoherent crying (not much anyway). We also engaged in a banter over her name. I have labeled her "Sweet Baby." She will accept nothing except "Sarah Kate" (or one of the 15 variations we have of that double-name) or "Sweet Baby." I try "stinky poo", "big girl", "silly willy." She corrects me seriously and sternly: "I Sarah Kate Smef" or "I not stinky poo; I Sweet Baby!" May I declare now that my Sweet Baby has my heart?!

So, we headed to the kitchen to fix "honey nuts" for Sarah Kate, oatmeal for me (down, cholesterol, down!). This picture is from our little date. She ate her cereal, commenting from time-to-time, "watch this, Mommy!" A little trick she learned from her big sister. You yell, "watch this!" and then do something very non-impressive like squint your eyes or hold your spoon in the air. What is often an annoying routine became entertaining. I tried to make her feel like each move she made was fascinating. Because it was. She is mine. A gift from the Creator. So precious. I am thankful I had a morning to enjoy her in all of her two-ness.

Claire on Marriage

2009-01-30T16:16:00.000-08:00

My baby sister accepted the proposal of a wonderful man tonight. Happy doesn't quite describe my feelings. Now comes the fun stuff--a dress, candles, and lots of giggles!!

Claire's eyes began to sparkle the minute she heard that Sissy (a.k.a. Jessica) and Maffew (a.k.a. Matthew) were getting married. In her mind, a wedding is when two people dance. She is always requesting that we marry, which means she dresses up like a princess and we dance to slow music. Her questions:

Are they getting married tonight?
Can we watch them get weddinged?
Why will he be "Uncle Maffew"?

So, here's to Sissy and Maffew! May God bless you in the coming months as you plan your wedding, and in the coming years as you grow in love and in His grace!

ME-member

2009-01-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I have to have something amazing to say here. But I think it is important to write a few random moments of normalcy for me to remember. I will call it my ME-member list.

ME-member:

Claire wanted to send her "Get Well" card to the nurse at home (nursing home).
Before leaving for school yesterday, Sarah Kate looked at me very seriously and said, "I look pretty." How can you not agree with that? The new addition to her wardrobe that morning: a cheap plastic headband. Made her day!
Claire had her first "no one wants to be my friend" moment. It was totally her fault. She's bossy. She pouted, fussed, yelled at me because she was hurt. Then she drew her "she's not my friend anymore" Kaylie a beautiful picture of them being friends. Four-year-old friendships are beautiful!
I'm terrified today of the many times I will have to lovingly counsel my head-strong child on the intricacies of friendship.
When Sarah Kate gets mad, she shuffles her hands, looks down, then starts subtly kicking. Last night at dinner she got mad after being corrected for some minor infraction. I asked her, "do you need to sit on the green rug?" (our official cool-down/time-out spot). She looked at me and said, "yes." She got down and sat for about 3 or 4 minutes, then came back to the table. "I sorry, Mommy."
I love her correctability (I know that's not a word, but it should be). She struggles with shame over breaking rules, much like her Mommy. I think that's why she tucks her chin and starts her little angry dance. But her heart turns so completely. Her instructions are to sit until her attitude changes and she's ready to apologize. She gets to set her own time. And she will sit there as long as it takes to cool down and steer her will back in line. She comes back to me, contrite. "Sorry, Mommy. Yes mam." Even if that "yes mam" is not appropriate, she does it anyway. That seems to be her 2-year-old way of communicating submission. It humbles me every time. That is how beautiful and raw my own confession and submission to my Lord should be. "Sorry, Lord. Yes Sir."
We are done with diapers. I can't get Sarah Kate to wear the last one (she still has not conquered the nights). So, I have one diaper left. I don't know how I feel about that. I've been waiting for this moment for 4 years and 8 months. But, I'm a little sad. I don't have a baby anymore.

I'll leave it at that. If I travel much further on that train [of thought], I might just wake my snoring hubby!

(I wish I had taken a picture of them today!)

Exodus 3

2009-01-25T13:29:00.000-08:00

I love that the Word of God is living and breathing. The things you've read over and over can all of a sudden become new and fresh. Today, Exodus 3 came to me new and fresh.

Moses is going about his day, rather mundane and normal. Then he spots the bush. Had he said, "I don't have time," or ran away out of fear, history would be changed. But, Moses took a moment to step out of the normalcy into the holy--shoes off, mind you.

"I must go over and see this!" Once Moses notices this act of wonder, God calls him by name. This event is intended for him. First, he had to notice the bush and turn away from his routine. Then he met God.

How many times in my day do I rush past a burning bush? Does God place "WOW!" in front of me while I run through my life with my eyes closed? Moments with my children, encounters with my patients, worship with the body of Christ, a sad stranger, the sunrise outside my window. If I stopped, turned aside from my rushed routine, would I hear him call my name? "Kelly! Kelly!"

A holy encounter with my God awaits me today. What will it be? Will I see and turn to it? Will I hear my name? Will I respond, "Here I am?" Open my eyes, oh Lord, to the burning bush you have for me today!

Precious Moments

2009-01-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

I've included a few "everyday" pictures from our day off (MLK Day). They seemed pretty ho-hum when I took them. We had a little snow. David took the kids out. We spent most of the day in our pj's (or "jamas" as we call them at our house).

Then, today, those normal moments became a little more precious to me. When I went to school to get the girls for their dentist appointments, a teacher ran down the hall with a lifeless child in her arms.

She was frantic, "he's not breathing! He's not breathing!"

Claire's teacher assured me everyone was certified in CPR. Being the [nosy] health care worker that I am, I checked in on them a few minutes later to see if they needed any help. The little boy had most likely experienced a febrile seizure. He had stopped breathing in the classroom. The hero-teacher gave him rescue breaths, then ran to the office to call 9-1-1 when he started breathing again. I provided a little assistance in the way of vitals, positioning, and a "medical" presence. These ladies did an excellent job of managing the situation. I simply affirmed that they were following appropriate procedure. He was not yet responsive when the paramedics arrived. Breathing, heart beating, but not awake.

The sweet angel is doing OK, last I heard. I stopped in to commend the director and his teacher that they did an excellent job. His teacher saved his life today.

I couldn't escape the image of his little body dangling from her arms. Two classrooms down, my own blond-headed angel slept on her cot, cuddled in her pink blanket. What protects me from that dreaded call from daycare? "Your child is unresponsive; she has been taken to the ER!" Thank you, GOD, that it wasn't my child! How terrible I feel to pray that, but it's the honest cry of my heart. I am so thankful mine made it through today. . .

. . . Thankful for our last lazy day of cinnamon rolls, hot chocolate, and indoor balloon tennis. What if that was the last day we spent together as a family? Did I spend enough quality time with my kids? Did they know I loved them that day?

And what about today? Were my stern words too much? My patience too short? How many kisses did I give them? Not enough, I'm sure.

I am so sorry that little Carson had to go through that today. I'm sorry his teacher had to breath life back into him. I feel heartache for the mom who picked up her phone at 11:38 to hear that her son was so sick. Thanks be to my Perfecter who allowed me to be a part of that moment. It has given me added appreciation for the time I spend with my kids!

They are both sleeping; I think I will go check on them . . . one more time.

Claire LOVES the snow! I love how expressive her face gets! She can say a hundred words with one look. She can also say a hundred words in about one minute!!

One quick "she's growing up" moment:
"If I can just learn to handle these tangles, I can brush my own hair!"
(And, yes, that is a shiner on her left eye! She had a run-in with her bed rail.)

Slow Down, Mommy!

2009-01-18T12:14:00.000-08:00

I am usually in a hurry. Hurry and get ready for work/school. Hurry and eat. Hurry in the tub. Let's hurry through this story. There is always more to do and not enough time to do it. The baby put it all in perspective for me today. We were trying to collect all of our things and family members after church, in a hurry, of course. This dialogue follows:

Me: "Come on, Sarah Kate! Keep moving down the steps. I still have to get the food out of our Sunday School room."

SK: "Slow down, Mommy! Slow down!" (with a knowing grin on her face, by the way)

OUCH!! She's two, but I think she has the right idea. Especially on this one day of the week that we have to re-focus and center our hearts and minds on our Creator. I think God had the voice of my child today. He says to me, "SLOW DOWN!" Enjoy your children. Watch for moments of grace and glory. Savor the time you have with your husband. Slow down, sit at My feet for a moment. I have so much to share with you. If you'd only take the time to BE where you are instead of always looking ahead to where you are going.

Thank you, Katie-bug, for speaking the truth in love. I'll slow down for you, baby girl!

It's Been a While (understatement)

2009-01-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

After visiting insightful blogs from a few friends, I decided to visit my own. It made me smile to see my girls last spring. My how they have grown. Since the scrapbook paper and photographs sit securely in my craft-cabinet, this is my only record of the memories I'm too busy to remember. How will I remember the chocolate chips on the floor if I don't write it down?

Life is way too fast to file away those sweet moments you vow to never forget. My children are a precious treasure to me. Although this phase in life (4 1/2 and 2) often feels chaotic and insane, I'm sure I will look back longingly at the years of, "Mommy, rub my back," "read to me," "no! I do it my by-self!"

Here's to more updates. Not for anyone else, so much, as for ME!

Hunting Eggs (or "Watching Others Hunt Eggs")

2008-03-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

As I write the title, I consider how funny that is, "hunting eggs." Like it is a sport involving special equipment, scents, calls, and clothing. I guess it does require all of that. Easter baskets, plastic eggs, smell of chocolate and sugar-covered marshmallows (because marshmallows need to be sweeter!), squeals of delight, parents coaxing "grab that egg!", and pastels of every shade. Children get the adrenaline rush of a middle-aged man in a tree stand when he hears the rustle of bushes across the field. They spot flashes of color all over the fellowship hall (when it's raining on hunting day) and can't decide where to dart first. "Look how many eggs I got!" they each brag, proudly displaying their basket.

Sarah Kate didn't get into the rush of it all. She's a rookie, just happy to watch everyone else run around frantically. I tried to help her find eggs, but she just didn't get too excited about it. I did get a rise out of her when I tried to put her candy away. "Nandy! Nandy!" Such a cutie!

Why no pictures of Claire? She moves too fast for my slow camera! I didn't put it on action mode so she's a big pink and purple blur!

First Day of School (& work)

2008-03-10T17:46:00.001-07:00

We survived our first day of school & work. I started at 4:30 a.m. I had time to sit and talk to David, drink coffee, enjoy some picture taking. I was 5 minutes late, even still! I forgot to give Kate her medicine and remembered 1/2 way across the mountain. Then I missed the turn to the school, putting me in thicker-than-necessary traffic. Add in school zones and 8 o'clock rush. ARG! Tomorrow will be better . . . I hope.

The girls enjoyed their first day. Sarah Kate cried; she cries anytime I leave. I had to remind Claire to give me a hug. She was on the look-out for other kids to play with the minute we got out of the car. They seemed tired but pleasant when I picked them up this afternoon. They went down early tonight, pooped from the time change and life change.
Props to David for helping: coffee, breakfast for the girls, buckling them in, meeting me in the driveway with medicine, cleaning the kitchen, and cooking dinner. He said he felt very productive today. He enjoys being a stay-at-home husband.

Growing

2008-03-07T19:06:00.000-08:00

We realized today, or at least verbalized it, that Sarah Kate is a little girl all of a sudden. She talks, sings, answers questions, fights with her sister, colors, makes requests. She's so meek and mild. I was unprepared for her to transition from baby to child. Some of my favs:

When I got home from work today: "Momma!" then "doat" (coat) and she starts to pull it off of me. "doat off." When I drop my coat on the floor: "uh-oh! dop doat down!" I decided she was ready for me to be home so the coat had to come off. You only wear a coat when you go "bye-bye."
Her favorite part of "Jesus Loves Me" is "the Bible tells me so." When you sing the other parts, she puts her finger to her mouth and says, "shhhh!"
"Sarah, what is your name?" Sarah Kate responds, "name!"
Our family favorite is at our meal time prayer. She enthusiastically sings along while holding at least one of our hands. She gets a few sounds right and ends with "a-men." God smiles along with us, I'm sure!

Claire is becoming a grown-up girl. She is, of course, excited about school on Monday. She has a crazy imagination. She imagines scenarios and gives you specific instruction on how you fit into her plot, including what you are to say. "When I knock on the door, you say, 'is that my baby?' then chase me and tickle me because you are the monster." She vascillates between being Sarah's hero and her nemesis. She loves to tickle her, make her giggle with funny sounds and faces. She equally loves to hide her own toys and jerk the toy-de-jour from her hands. She asks insightful questions like, "when I'm a grown up, who will be the kid?" and "how does Paw-Paw pay for his house if he doesn't work?" Her eyes sparkle with mischief and joy. This picture doesn't do her justice!

Last Day "at Home"

2008-03-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

Thursday was our last day as a "stay at home" family. God blessed us with a great one. We did the library program, got to ride bikes, play in the sand, and color on the driveway. Some of the mundane and frustrating becomes endearing when you realize your time is short. I got teary-eyed several times when I thought of how much I would miss them during the day. I had to remind myself that I am not saying good-bye to them forever. I think it will make the time we do spend together more precious. I am sure I will appreciate them more. Pray for us as we enter this new season in our lives.

Looking on the Brightside: a script

2008-03-05T04:08:00.000-08:00

[Sarah Kate dumps a bag of chocolate chips on the floor]

SK: uh-oh! nee-nup! nee-nup! (clean up)

[realizing what she has spilled, she begins to eat]

SK: cookies!

[Mom starts to sweep up, Sarah Kate reaches out to cover as many chips as she can]

SK: no. no. no.

Gratitude

2008-03-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for a husband who takes the time to soothe a restless child to sleep. Even when he is out of energy. I am greatful for a husband who took a shift last night with a sick baby-- changing many diapers, washing sheets in the wee hours of the morning, giving a 4 a.m. bath to the smelliest child in Alabama--to allow me to recover from many nights of the same. He had worked all day and faced another 12 hour shift at the hospital today. I am so thankful for his sacrifice, his love for me and our children.

I would maintain that thanks are the

highest form of thought, and that

gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

-Gilbert Keith Chesterton

A Mother's Love

2008-02-27T07:08:00.000-08:00

I don't really like playing in the snow. Don't care for getting cold and wet. But when your daughter loves it, you make sacrifices.

"That sound when you walk is beautiful, isn't it Mommy?"

Five Months

2008-02-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

The Smith Family @

the Grant Christmas Parade

Five months is a long time between posts. I have had the best intentions, but LIFE! I reviewed a friends beautiful family blog and was inspired to catch up. I can't load 5 months worth of pictures tonight. But enjoy what I do get up!

We have been in our new house for a little more than 2 months. There is still so much to do (if anyone loves to hang pictures, enjoys decorating, landscaping, come on over!). I feel like I run just to keep up with the daily tasks; how do I add the extra stuff like scrapping, hanging pics, sleeping? Nancy Leigh DeMoss says we have enough time in each day to do the things God has for us to do. The key is to communicate with him to find out exactly what those things are. I tend to get caught up in my own to-do lists. Is it too late for New Year's resolutions?

Claire is 3.75 years old. She is growing in stature and wisdom. She asks some amazing questions like, "how does God get us up to heaven?" Her proudest moment this year was earning the Cubbie Star at AWANA's last Wednesday. That is an award for the most well-behaved pre-schooler. She's been working on it all year. If you know Claire, you know how hard it is for her to sit quietly and not talk. She showed everyone at church her Cubbie Star prize (tatoo). "I'm really proud of myself," she told me later that night.

Sarah Kate is still off the charts. She is 15 months old, growing taller, adding words, climbing everything. She loves the horses that live across the street from us. She shouts "neigh" at them through the window. Most of the time you can find her walking around the house with a purse on her arm, some type of dress shoes on, talking on her cell phone. Or standing under me with her arms up. She would let me carry her around all day if I would!

David is doing well, working hard. The winters are rough at the hospital. He has found some regular tennis pals and spends most of his freetime doing that. He keeps the girls 2-3 days a week so I can work. He does a great job as Mr. Mom! .

That's us in a nutshell!

Starting . . .

2007-09-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Both girls started something new this week. Sarah Kate started walking. She's up to about 4 or 5 steps before she plops. The first few times she did it, she grinned so big, scrunched her little nose up and looked around to see who else was so proud of her! She likes to take a few steps then point to you to make sure you noticed what a big girl she is! I've tried unsuccessfully to catch her in the act; hopefully I'll have a better picture of her to post soon.

Claire Bear started dance this week. She picked out her leotard, complete with a tutu and sparkles. She was so excited the first morning. She really enjoyed it. She learned to turn on her toes. She told us her teacher said not to run, but she ran a few times. I'll keep you informed about her recital date, in case you want to come see a group of preschoolers dance : )

It was hard to get a picture of her; I couldn't get her to stand still!

We went to Playhouse Disney last weekend. That was fun! Claire had a hard time understanding why The Little Einsteins were real people instead of the cartoons she is accustomed to. Sarah Kate enjoyed the first act and took a little siesta the 2nd act.

Claire and Rylee

And finally, Dad and Adam's birthday (August 20/22). . .

Dad (58) Adam (21)

Claire playing with "Sebatian" the crawfish

Sarah Kate enjoys Paw Paw's cake

. . . really enjoys it!

Sarah Kate's Baby Dedication

2007-08-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from Sarah Kate's baby dedication service today. It was very sweet. To see the video we showed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vW5ghndzuwA

After the church service, we went to The Farmhouse for lunch. This is one of Sarah Kate's favorite places to eat. She had butter beans, green beans, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, turkey & dressing, a French fry . . . a few bites off of everyone's plate, it seems! She enjoyed it so much. This is her covered in creamed corn after licking David's bowl clean.

Thanks for coming: Grandmother, Granddaddy, Grandmommy, Monica, Isabella, Paw-Paw, Ann, Jessica, Matthew, Jason, Kathie, and Rylee.

"Teach me your ways, O Lord,
that I may walk according to your truth.
Grant me purity of heart,
that I may honor You!"
Psalm 86:11

Kris Turns Four

2007-07-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

We enjoyed a day at the pool celebrating Kristopher's fourth birthday. This is our one guaranteed swim day every year. David and Joanna always throw a great birthday party. We had pizza, "Go Diego!" cake, and lots of fun in the sun. Sarah Kate missed out due to a fever virus (she's all better now). Claire was fearless. She jumped in without floats, sometimes sinking to the bottom before coming up. She loves to swim!

Mom caught some of their conversation on tape. It went from "we have the same plate," to "when I poo-poo . . . " Can't wait to see that one! These two really get along well--great cousins!

Isn't she lovely?!

This is Claire teaching Sissy (Aunt Jessica) how to swim. She tells her, "let me show you how: you do your arms like this, then get on your tummy, and do like this." It was really cute!

Quick Pics

2007-07-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time to narrate--enjoy the photos of June and July! I tried to pick the highlights. Let me know if you want to see more of any of these events!

Cinderella and Sarah Kate @ Rylee's Birthday Party

(could Claire smile any bigger?!)

Claire does the bungee jump at the mall.
Yes, she's up to the 2nd floor and loving every minute of it!

Riding a pony at the Will Rogers Festival.
"I'm riding the range! I'm on the biggest one!"

Mom: "Claire, you can stick your feet in the water.
Just don't get your clothes wet."

Claire @ Libby Lu (for Rylee's birthday) transforming into a princess.
(gazing into a mirror in photo on L)

Princess Claire

with Princess Mommy

Rock on!

Tennis, anyone?

Claire with Sissy and "her"Matthew @
The Complete Works of Shakespeare Abridged.
(Claire things Matthew is so funny! Especially when he is
falling down or swallowing fire!)

Sarah Kate enjoying the 4th with Jeanna

Claire swimming--no fear!

More of Fearless Claire @ the Olinger's on July 3rd

On the front steps of DAR . . . only 2 years to go!

FATHER'S DAY

Porchcop the Handy Turtle

2007-06-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Claire met a new friend this morning. We found a turtle about to make a journey across Mr. Walker's garden. She stopped to observe him. After she warmed up to him a bit she struck up a conversation.

"Don't be scared, turtle. What's your name?"

She decided he was too scared and too young to tell his name. So she named him "Porchcop" (whatever that means!). She said, "When he gets big like me I wish I could ride him. He would be very handy for riding. People could get on him and ride around when he gets older." So in, say, 250 years, maybe you'll see one of Claire's great-great-great-great grandchildren riding around on Porchcop the Handy Turtle.

Splish-Splash

2007-06-07T19:17:00.001-07:00

Sarah Kate loves a big-girl bath!

"ARRRRR!"
Claire and Rylee--princess pirates at Cole's birthday party!

"Come on Rylee! This is gonna' be fun!"

Memorable Memorial

2007-05-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

We enjoyed our Memorial Weekend! The Austins were in from Warner Robins. We spent a few days having fun in the sun. The girls loved playing together in the pool and I really enjoyed the conversation! I love that my girls love my friends' children.

Dress-up at Mi Mi's Cafe

Claire, a.k.a. "Speed Racer"

Even the boys had some fun!

Outdoor Fun

2007-05-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

Sarah Kate chillin' out by the pool.

Claire really enjoys the pool from Uncle David, Aunt Joanna, and Kris!

And after a day in the sun, they jump in the tub for some more fun!

My little baby looks like such a big girl sometimes!

Claire Turns Three!

2007-05-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Claire turned three Monday! She's like a can of silly string--she is constantly in motion, bouncing off the walls, talking non-stop. Her imagination is developing. She loves to pretend she is chasing sharks or jaguars, baking cupcakes for a birthday party, and making Valentines for Mommy. She can get a little out of control at times and she is definitely exhibits signs of being the oldest child (being bossy, that is--I speak from experience!). Her birthday was fun this year since she knew what was coming up. She enjoyed picking out the theme (The Backyardigans), the chips (Cheetos and Sun Chips), and making her guest list. We had a great time playing out in the backyard with her friends and family!

Claire with her over-sized Backyardigan cupcake . . .

and the rest of them (thanks for helping me make these, Kathie!)

Grandma, Kris, and Sarah Kate

Claire chasing bubbles from her new bubble machine (thanks Rylee!)

April

2007-05-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

Due to a combination of technical difficulties and lack of time, a month has elapsed since our last post. Here are a few April moments!

Easter 2007

(Claire at our church Easter Egg Hunt)

It was so cold that day, we're hunting indoors with a sweater on! She enjoyed looking for eggs, re-hiding them, and then finding them again. And she was not very interested in sharing her eggs with her friends! Aren't you glad that God's not that way with his grace? Free for all, easy access, and more than enough for everyone.

(Sarah Kate opening her Easter basket from Grandmother)

Sarah Kate is sitting up really well now. We keep a pillow behind her for those times when she leans a little too far in one direction. She's just as delightful as ever! And nothing makes her giggle like watching her big sis act silly. Maybe one day I'll figure out how to share video online! Then you can see her laugh!

(Feeding the horses)

We have been blessed to rent a farm house from the Walkers. Mr. Walker has three horses out back so we get to visit horses very often. This particular day we decided to feed them carrots. They weren't very interested in them, but Claire tried to pick a few of the rejected ones off the ground for a snack! She doesn't quite understand horse cooties yet! Sarah Kate petted them with her little hand, too. But I couldn't get a good picture of it since I had her in the Snugli. If only I had one extra hand!

(Claire with the Chic-Fil-A Cow)

Sarah Kate hit the 6 month mark on April 25th. Although it's only been 6 months, it's hard to imagine our family without her. She is growing very fast, sporting 12-18 month clothing. I can't wait until her check-up to see how much she weighs. She started eating food in April. So far we've introduced cereal, oatmeal, squash, carrots, applesauce, pears, mashed bananas. No favorites yet; she eats them all without complaint or excitement.

I've got plenty of pictures (wallet size) from the Easter/6 months/3 years sitting. If you want some, let me know! I'll be happy to send them to you.

Princesses

2007-04-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Princess Claire & Princess Rylee

We had a few friends over tonight for burgers and basketball. The girls didn't care so much about Ohio State or Florida. They played babies, princess, and learned a little more about sharing. We are so thankful to be back in Grant near old friends! And so thankful that our girls are learning how to be friends. Maybe 25 years from now they will enjoy the NCAA final together with their husbands and children!

Swinging and Other March Pix

2007-03-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Here are a few things we did in March . . .

Sarah Kate and Claire swinging together

Sarah Kate's first time in the big swing.

Just chillin' at the breakfast table.

And Claire enjoys some waffles made by Daddy. Love that bed-head hair!

Watch Me Grow

2007-03-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

I thought I would create a way for you to watch the girls grow. I'll try to post pictures of milestones and some of the everyday life.

Sarah Kate started eating "real" food, if you can call it that. We gave her some baby cereal Friday, March 9. She eats some, but is still learning how to manage the new tastes and textures in her mouth. Some days she gobbles it down, other days she only takes a few bites. She certainly doesn't need the calories! She weighed in at 17 lb 7 oz at her 4 month check-up! She's a growing girl.

Claire is still experiencing some "firsts." This is her first real haircut. The Mama Salon is officially out of business! She looks great with her stylish layers and natural curls. She sat very still for Ms. Rhonda and got a sucker when it was finished. It's much easier to manage now. But, she still doesn't like to have her hair fixed each morning.

Finally, we've enjoyed the beautiful weather outside. We've had the opportunity to get out a lot this week. Claire's favorite activity: the swing! She looks like she's having fun!