Claire's Theology on Pulling Cards

Claire gets in trouble at school a lot. I mean a lot.

I am a rule follower. I was a teacher's pet all through school. Except Mr. Powell's 10th grade biology. We never hit it off. I'm not sure he hit it off with anyone.

I don't know what to do with a child who does not care to please her teacher through obedience. We are working through it, trying positive and negative reinforcement. She is currently working for a pizza Lunchable. She might be old enough to buy her own before she earns one. How can it be so hard for a child to be quiet for 4 consecutive days?! I think I could easily be quiet for that long, maybe longer.

Monday was bad--2 cards. Today, her teacher sent home a note reassuring me that Claire is not a bad child, she just likes to "talk and talk and talk." And she only pulled one card today.

That would have sent me into tears in Ms. Warren's kindergarten class. I still remember that one day I got in trouble in her class nearly 3 decades ago.

So we talked.

"Claire, why does Ms. Bailey have to say your name over and over and over to get you to stop talking?"

She replies with genuine sincerity, "Because Adam ate the fruit."

Claire and Ms. Bailey on P.J. day

Praying With Open Hands

(I am returning to a series I started last February. Note to self: don't start something you can't finish. Or, better yet, finish what you start! Thanks to those of you who have asked for the "rest of the story.")

My longing for David grew over the next few months. I thought of him often, dreaming of what reciprocal love would look like with him. Each letter, each conversation, each minute spent together was bitter sweet. I loved spending time with him, but felt tortured in my heart. I prayed for something to happen almost every day.

At some point, I realized that, true to my old self, a relationship had taken my focus from my True Love. I knew, even at 18, that I could never be happy with David if Christ did not hold my heart fully. That's when I opened my hands and prayed.

(from my prayer journal, July 5, 1996)
I know that You love me, even if I don't see it at the time. You know my big concern is David right now. I want so much to begin a relationship with him. Sometimes I feel we are right on the verge of it and other times I think that it is the farthest thing from his (and Your) mind. I know there is a reason for him to be in my life. If nothing else, he has helped me grow, he has encouraged me, been and active ingredient to who I am now. He has also been a prime example of what I want in a husband and what I want in a relationship. I thank You for that in my life. . . .

I can see how the past 1 1/2 years of being single have been super. I have learned so much about You and me and who I am through You. I feel like I am ready for what you have for me. But, I am very far from knowing what is best. I know, or think, that I love David. I love him more than I have loved anyone. I want to be with him forever. But "my thoughts are not your thoughts." So, instead of worrying, wondering, and waiting for it to happen on my level, I give my concern to You. You can handle it better than me! I have read how you changed Pharaoh's heart to read your will. If it is not your will for me to be with David, I need my heart changed. I need to . . . stop reading stuff into our conversations. It can not be done by me, so I will stop trying. I give you my heart and my words.

(then, July 6, 1996)
It is a comforting thought to know that You have an ultimate plan. It's going to be hard, I think, waiting to see. I trust You with it because I know You know. But, it's hard to let it go. I don't want to. I want to love him. My heart is broken without him. Please, again, take care of my heart. Make it change as you see fit.

I met David that night for a movie. I left my heart with God and got in the car with David.

Untying Fear Knots

I need to write this down. Make it real. A document to look back on when God's word is realized with a sleeping child in our home. A testimony that God's word, His timing, His purpose is personal.

Two weeks ago, I had 7 straight days of the words, "fear not." Sunday: the pastor's message. Monday: Crazy Love reading and Lifegroup discussion. Tuesday: in conversation with another believer, encouraging me to move from fear to faith. Wednesday: "fear" was the topic of our "Psychology of the Christian Life" study. Thursday: Beth Moore video. Friday: Respectable Sins reading (yes, I am reading 3 books at once). Saturday: Beth Moore homework. By the end of the week I was (ironically) a little afraid. I started thinking about all of the things God could be preparing me for with this "fear not" message.

Why do You want me to hear, "Fear not?"

For weeks, I have been turning over ministry in my mind. I know I am called to more than taking care of my family, going to church and work, this routine I am in. When scripture calls for me to give up everything for Christ, to die to myself and carry my cross, to care for the least of these, it is no joke. It is not a suggestion. It is a command. My life isn't a picture of sold out Christianity, of Crazy Love. I have been convicted by the safe life I have built.

Sunday, His personalized message became more specific. Through the movie The Blindside, I witnessed the power a loving family can have on one child. When David and I left that movie, we talked about what faith looks like, what living love looks like. I shared with him how the faces of Haitian orphans, new and old, are burned on my heart. When I think of helping Haiti, I think of bringing a child, void of parents, void of hope, into our home. I threw out the idea: what if loving God, living out our faith, loving the least of these means taking care of orphans. He didn't shoot the idea down as I might have expected (or secretly hoped because I am scared). He turned it over in his heart and mind, accepted that it is a very real possibility.

Adoption. A new idea to me. It sounds nice. But it scares me. I came up with one wh-question after another: where will we put them? who will help us pay? what kind of impact will it have on my kids? All the way to work Monday morning, God answered each one of those wh-questions with "FEAR NOT." The pounding from the week before took on new relevance. He prepared me for this call.

It gets even better! Monday night during Lifegroup, we drew numbers for our prayer partners. I learned the week before in the Esther study "The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord" (Pr 16:33). What a divinely inspired pair we became! As I shared my journey from fear to faith, a call to adopt, my partner shared she had felt the same calling only weeks earlier. God provided an opportunity to encourage and be encouraged. He also confirmed, once again, that this is real.

I visited the Show Hope website later that night. I read a scripture that became new and personal to me: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). I could almost sense God affirming His word to me. What He has laid out before me will happen. A mountain will move. I could not contain my tears. Tear of joy, fear, faith, promise, and hope. Hope for me and hope for a child (or children) who need to know God's love.

I have no firm vision of what comes next. I am reading, researching, sharing my thoughts with others. I have had additional bits of affirmation along the way. I love this conversation I get to have with my Lord! I want to keep my ears tuned to His voice. I don't want to miss a single minute of this journey to move a mountain and bring a child of God home with me!

A Child's View of Her President

Claire came home with a rhyme she learned at school today. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over she sang out (to the tune of "nah-nah-nah-boo-boo") "I'm the king of the castle, [so-and-so]'s a dirty rascal." She did it until I thought my ears would jump right off my head and cover my laser-beam eye balls.

"Don't sing that again, please!" (times 3, because she never listens after just one request)

As we are getting ready for our Bible story, she starts again.

"I'm the king of the castle,
Obama's a dirty rascal!"

Although I had threatened to administer the much-hated corporal punishment for singing that song again, her deep insight left me speechless, but laughing.

Yes, dear. Obama is a dirty rascal (thought, not spoken--we're working on respecting authority).

And, since I haven't posted a SK funny lately:

A picture may not always be worth a thousand words, but this one is worth a few chuckles.

Dental Hygiene with Claire

Claire is a master teeth-brusher. She is in charge of her own oral hygiene most mornings/nights. She does a great job (thanks to thorough instructions from her daddy who flosses twice a day--who does that, really?). She has made it to age 5 with no cavities, always a good report from the dentist.

Tonight, while brushing her teeth she educated the whole family on the importance of brushing your tongue.

C: "The nastiest part of your mouth is the back of your tongue."

Me: "How do you know?"

C: "It is dark and moist. I'd stay there if I were a germ."

Conversations with a 5 Year Old

Claire: Mama, what's a "jockey"?

Me: It's someone who races horses.

Claire: Ooooh! You mean a "joppy!" I know what that is!

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Me: I love you so much!

Claire: I love you more than you love me!

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Me: Claire, why did you get in trouble at school today?

Claire: Me and Nathan were arguing about whose ice cream was the tastiest.

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Claire: Will we take Hermie's (our hermit crab) cage up to Heaven, or just Hermie?

Me: I think just Hermie.

Claire: But how will he change his shell?

Me: I don't know.

Claire: Maybe we could look around and collect shells for him and put them in a bag. Then we could hold onto the bag until we go to Heaven so he will have some in Heaven.

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This is a sampling of my conversations with Claire today. I wish I could capture each one of her five-isms from every day. It's one of the perks to motherhood--an interactive comedic show.

Claire Turns FIVE!

roses from Daddy

the cake she decorated

Claire @ 5:

• favorite color--red
• favorite show--WordGirl and Imagination Movers
• loves to laugh
  
• she will say the same ridiculous thing over and over to get a laugh from her sister
• wears the same rainbow sandals every single day
• loves words, their meaning, their look, their sound
• does not get tired--ever
• learning to navigate her way on the computer
• loves candy bucket, Mama, Nathan
• wants to move to Chattanooga when she grows up
• gets in trouble at school for talking, laughing, making noises, not stopping when she's told
• reading 3 and 4 letter words
• still loves to cuddle
• wants to be a director, actor, or veterinarian
• loves horses, unicorns, dolphins, rainbows
  
• favorite toys: Barbie, books, My Little Pony, stickers, crayons, paper from my printer

And her Mama loves her more each day (most days). She is becoming this bubbly dreamer. Her eyes sparkle brighter than mine ever have, I am sure. I consider it an absolute blessing to be her mother.

Tired

Because I'm tired of looking at those goofy curtains that I see in real life when I pull up my blog to direct me to other people's lives when I'm tired of my own . . .

Because I'm physically tired and my eyes are open only because I drank a cup of coffee at 7 p.m., which I will regret in 7 hours when I try to roll out of bed to make a cake for our church potluck since I'm too tired to do it tonight. . .

Because there are more things than the fatigue making me tired. . .

Because these two sparks are often times the source of my tired, and are the only things that keep me going when I'm tired. . .

Claire sending me a message: "I love you!"

Sarah Kate, the family sign language instructor
Sometimes saying "I love you" takes determination and concentrated effort.

When I got this shirt, I knew Claire would be thrilled. I told her about her new shirt over the phone.

"I don't want to wear boy's clothes."

"But it has sparkle on it," I say with convincing enthusiasm.

"But Superman is a boy."

"This is a Supergirl shirt with gold sparkle!"

I won her over. "OK! I can't wait to show Matthew!"

Bathroom Window Mistreatments

I'm adding to my gallery of window mistreatments! I finished the two windows in our master bath tonight. It took me an hour and >$10, hardware and all. I have visions for our big windows in the family living areas. That will require some kid-free shopping time! My favorite part of the process: ripping the fabric. Very liberating!! And I LOVE the ribbon! I think I have enough left to trim out a shade for the lamp by my sink. Can I take the week off of work to decorate?!

before & after shots

Stop by and check this place out. Inspiration awaits you!

Snow Day

our first steps in the snow

"Watch out Mama! I get you booty!"

our snow person, "Ice Kate"

my snow angels

Ice Kate

Changes

We have been through some domestic changes over the last 2 weekends. It's a big deal for the eldest and youngest in the Smith house.

First, Sarah Kate got her BIG GIRL BED!

her last morning to wake up in the baby bed


helping Daddy set up the new bed

making the bed

I love this one. She is very attached to Baby, the blanket she is spreading over her pillow. Mama can shop and fret over which spread to get, but her Big Girl Bed isn't truly her's without that Baby!

my Sweet Baby

Next project. David needs curtains. He's on nights and has to sleep during the day. Now, the man can sleep under most any circumstances. I wish I had a picture to post here of my sweetheart sitting on the couch at 5 a.m., asleep, cup of milk in one hand and a half eaten PB&J on a plate in his lap. I couldn't help but laugh the morning I discovered that one! But, the poor guy does have a little trouble getting his 7 hours of dreaming with the bright sun filtering through the cracks in our blinds. We have a HUGE window facing the woods, a door to the deck, and a smaller window by my side. All great when you're be-bopping around the house. Makes the room light and airy. But when you're trying to sleep during the day--not so great. (Also not so great on those nights he's at work and I hear a bump in the night! Thank you, Ultimate Security!)

I gather my inspiration from Nester, $12 worth of brown twin sheets from WalMart ($3 each x 4 sheets), one package of upholstery tacks, a step ladder and my hammer. Following Nester's plans for window mistreatments, I get to work. I start a DVR Law & Order SVU, plug in the iron and start de-wrinkling my new sheets-turned-curtains. Iron, pause L/O, hang a panel. Iron, pause L/O, hang a panel. And so-on. The result:

BEFORE

(Please overlook the blind in need of repair. It will soon disappear!)

AFTER

I plan to add a little trim. I couldn't find anything that suited me at WalMart (de-bunking the myth that if you can't find it at WalMart, you don't need it). I would like to add some ties for the times David is among the living during the day.

I am also aware of the Adam & Eve disease my walls have. They are SO naked! I am collecting plates for over the bed. I'm also on the prowl for a new duvet or quilt.

Two new projects await us. I have one more sheet and some snazzy ribbon to mistreat my bathroom windows. David's project is to cover the one vent hole under the deck that our builder left open. There are two cats under my house going at it. Again. And again. And again. Oh, my stars! Cats in love are VERY loud!

Kids are an endless source of malapropisms and misunderstandings. My collection for the week:

• When I told Claire my friend sold a product "out of a catalogue," she asked, "does she tie it to some string and drag it around with the catalogue?"
• Claire asked me who "the Mayor" was. "Who?!" She explained, "you know: (singing) 'Everywhere the Mayor went, the Mayor went, the Mayor went; everywhere the Mayor went, the lamb was sure to go.'"
• Sarah Kate requested "horn dogs" for dinner tonight. That's CORN dogs.
• She also discovered "tussy rolls" (tootsie rolls) this week. We rolled around laughing about that one! This is the PG version of what she started out saying before we corrected her!

Finally, one melt-my-heart comment from SK: "You're Kelly. You're my friend!" Always, Sweet Baby!

Living Out Sunday's Lesson on Monday

Although funnies are sometimes saved for Fridays, this one couldn't wait! I'm in Walmart with the girls today, in the checkout line. Claire, getting a bit aggressive with her position in line, starts to play on the buggy in front of us. I ask her to please leave that nice woman and her buggy alone.

She whispers to me, "'cause she might be a widow?"

"What?"

"A widow. She might be a widow so I should leave her alone," she explains. I inquire about her new-found knowledge of widows. Quietly, of course, since said widow is close by, (slowly) loading her items on the conveyor belt while also trying to dig through her huge stack of coupons. Claire whispers, "a widow is someone who doesn't have a husband."

"Where did you learn this?"

"Sunday School," she replies. Trying to stifle the laughter that is fighting hard to find it's way out I manage to ask her why she thinks this lady (still working on completing her transaction) is a widow. "She's alone and she doesn't have a husband with her. That's why I think she might be a widow."

There are worse things your child can utter in the check-out line, I know. But, in that moment, I was thankful that our widow-friend didn't hear our conversation.

At least I hope she didn't!

Claire, after our eye appointment today. She looks super-cool in her eye doctor shades!

I Have Seen the Future

(My Love Story continued.) After our first meeting, David and I spent the next year developing a friendship. I was running hard after God, trying to make up for lost time and past mistakes. He was trying to juggle work, family, and leading a bunch of students to a deeper relationship with Christ. I appreciated that last part immensely. I was so hungry for more, more, more of God. He had all of these wonderful concepts to share like motives, resisting temptation, and real time alone with God. His college brain full of ideas and truths learned at Campus Outreach and Dauphin Way amazed me. "Wow, God! You actually made men like this? There are men out there who love you and desire to follow you?"

I dated very little during this time. I spent several weekend nights at home alone with an old black & white classic, warm under my blanket. When I did venture out in the social realm with a guy, I found that I often compared him to what I saw in David. God had given me a glimpse of the kind of man I wanted to marry. I could not go back now! The prospects were too good. God had good planned for my future; I would not settle for anything less.

At the same time, David spent some of his weekends trying to create opportunities for the students at our church to learn the true meaning of Christian fellowship. We did the normal stuff: movies, eating out, concerts. The crowd, large at first, began to dwindle. Toward the end of his tenure as our student minister, it was down to about 3 or 4 of us. David became one of my closest friends. I was going through so much at home: dealing with the war between my parents, being an older sister, needing to be responsible and be a kid at the same time. Then there was the normal teenage angst of social pressures, juggling classes, deciding where to go to college, how to pay for it. He encouraged me toward faith and faithfulness through all of that.

The time came for my dear friend to return to Mobile to finish school. By this time, my heart was his, although he didn't know it. He did a great job of being responsible with his position as interim minister. He never stepped over the line or did anything questionable. Even still, I had fallen in love with my best friend. He left; I cried. We kept up with phone calls and letters over the next six months. When he came home for a visit, he usually made time for a reunion of our fellowship group. And sometimes it was just me, David, coffee, and good conversation. I looked forward to those visits more than anything.

I remember one of those nights in particular. I had just gotten the Friends haircut, made popular in the late 90's by Jennifer Anniston and Courtney Cox. I dressed up for the Athletic Banquet. I felt good (a stretch for me, as I had NO style in high school--still don't!). We met afterward for coffee and conversation. That was the first time I saw a hint of something in his eye. I had lived in hope for almost a year. My hope grew that night. Maybe this man is what God had for my future. We talked into the wee hours (thanks to the cappicino!) sitting in his car in my driveway. It was blissful!

My prayers changed after that night. My whole outlook on relationships changed. I didn't want anyone else but him.

The Preface

Since this is the month of love, I thought I would chronicle my own love story. If nothing else, it will remind me how intensely I felt about David way back when, as the pace of our current life often causes me to have early-onset memory loss (as in, "why did I marry this man?!"). It is way too easy for me to slip into a cycle of survival and forget that one of God's greatest gifts to me is sleeping beside me (or on the couch as he tends to do after trying to stay up to watch "one more" show). I have decided that due to the nature of my life (hectic!), this will have to be a series of posts, chapters, if you will.

Today, the back-story.

In high school, I dated and dabbled in "romance" (does one really know what that is at 16?!). The Summer before my Senior year, I hit the relationship wall. My eyes were opened to my misplaced priorities. The pursuit of a relationship had taken place of my pursuit of Christ. I paid little attention to His desires for my life. Instead, I focused on my current boyfriend or the prospects that were ahead. What a roller coaster! When your happiness is dependent on an adolescent male, you are headed for trouble!

On July 3, 1995, it all came to a head. During the Sunday morning service (the last religious practice left in my life at the time), Ray Boltz's "I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb" was played. I was struck with the reality that, given the choice I may choose my own life over allegiance to Christ. That personal revelation rocked me. It was like looking into a distorted mirror at the fun house; I didn't recognize the image starting back at me.

I made the decision that it would be Christ. He would always be my answer. My life or His cross? I would choose His cross. I went forward, broken. I poured my sacrifice out on the alter (Psalm 51:17). I left the broken pieces of my heart, the hurt received and delivered, the shameful choices, the skewed priorities. He took them all. And all that would come.

After the service, eyes red from the cleansing, I saw him. He was the new interim youth minister. I knew that if I were going to actually live out my decision, he was one person I would need to know. I remember introducing myself. His smile was charming, but my vision was fixed on my Savior. Soon, the two images would share the same frame.

Idea for series inspired by : Amber @ The Run a Muck

Mama, I Have a Question

Usually, when Claire prefaces a conversation with the title phrase, it's something trivial, like "what were you doing while you weren't sitting in that chair?" Tonight, she raised the stakes on me.

C: Mama, I have a question.

Me: Sure, baby. What is it?

C: How do I believe in God with all his heart?

Me: What?

C: How do I believe in God with all his heart so I can get baptized?

I will spare you my fumbled explanation. I was thrilled that my soon-to-be-five baby has started to process the Christian faith. I try to embody Deuteronomy 6:5-9 but know that I spend most of my time flat on my spiritual rump. To hear this child inquire about the things of Heaven both excited and frightened me. How wonderful that the small seeds planted are beginning to emerge from the soil. But, now my tender shoot is subject to so many elements, the most ominous being my influence. The response to her question, my response to our daily life--all of these things either shine light and offer water, or they choke out the Son.

We talked about it more over dinner with Daddy present. I think she is beginning to put the pieces together. I didn't realize how complicated God's grace and mercy are to explain. It is also simplistic. After all, Jesus encouraged "faith like a child." Thank GOD for the Holy Spirit, who takes our jumbled words and authors Truth in the hearts of others.

Our conversation terminated as Claire-like as it began.

Daddy: So, Claire, you can pray anytime to ask God to help you believe with all your heart that Jesus is enough to take care of your sins.

Me: And you can ask him to forgive you for all of your sins.

C: Well, I'm not doing it tonight!

The end!

Really, it's just the beginning!

Last night Claire and I had a very serious conversation about her behavior. She has spent the entire week on the bad side of Mrs. Ashley's behavior rainbow. We talked about what she's been doing, who she typically gets in trouble with, and how to correct her behavior. She summed it up well: "Mama, I just can NOT get control of my mouth!"

Sweet Baby Morning

Sarah Kate got to come to Mommy's bed early this morning after a fitful cough. She slept soundly after that--a nice surprise since she often sits up in my bed and invites me to play . . . at 3:30 a.m.! And that snotty breathing was a peaceful companion since David was working.

Later in the morning, I sat in my brown chair, reading, when I heard, "Mommy, come lay for me!" (We have some issues with prepositions.) How can I resist that? I snuggled up next to my baby girl. She sweetly stared into my eyes for the longest time, smiling. We both seemed to soak up this moment, knowing there are not enough of these kind in our lives. This moment where there is nothing pressing, nowhere to go, no one or nothing else in the whole world has our attention. It is simply mother and child.

She giggled after a bit. I had to tickle her. She giggled some more. Then, she had a plan. "Let's wake up, Mommy! I want some breakfast!" How did my 10 pound angle grow into a little kid who can tell me exactly what she wants? It's nice that both of my children can now articulate their needs. I don't miss the days of incoherent crying (not much anyway). We also engaged in a banter over her name. I have labeled her "Sweet Baby." She will accept nothing except "Sarah Kate" (or one of the 15 variations we have of that double-name) or "Sweet Baby." I try "stinky poo", "big girl", "silly willy." She corrects me seriously and sternly: "I Sarah Kate Smef" or "I not stinky poo; I Sweet Baby!" May I declare now that my Sweet Baby has my heart?!

So, we headed to the kitchen to fix "honey nuts" for Sarah Kate, oatmeal for me (down, cholesterol, down!). This picture is from our little date. She ate her cereal, commenting from time-to-time, "watch this, Mommy!" A little trick she learned from her big sister. You yell, "watch this!" and then do something very non-impressive like squint your eyes or hold your spoon in the air. What is often an annoying routine became entertaining. I tried to make her feel like each move she made was fascinating. Because it was. She is mine. A gift from the Creator. So precious. I am thankful I had a morning to enjoy her in all of her two-ness.

Claire on Marriage

My baby sister accepted the proposal of a wonderful man tonight. Happy doesn't quite describe my feelings. Now comes the fun stuff--a dress, candles, and lots of giggles!!

Claire's eyes began to sparkle the minute she heard that Sissy (a.k.a. Jessica) and Maffew (a.k.a. Matthew) were getting married. In her mind, a wedding is when two people dance. She is always requesting that we marry, which means she dresses up like a princess and we dance to slow music. Her questions:

• Are they getting married tonight?
• Can we watch them get weddinged?
• Why will he be "Uncle Maffew"?

So, here's to Sissy and Maffew! May God bless you in the coming months as you plan your wedding, and in the coming years as you grow in love and in His grace!

ME-member

Sometimes I think I have to have something amazing to say here. But I think it is important to write a few random moments of normalcy for me to remember. I will call it my ME-member list.

ME-member:

• Claire wanted to send her "Get Well" card to the nurse at home (nursing home).
• Before leaving for school yesterday, Sarah Kate looked at me very seriously and said, "I look pretty." How can you not agree with that? The new addition to her wardrobe that morning: a cheap plastic headband. Made her day!
• Claire had her first "no one wants to be my friend" moment. It was totally her fault. She's bossy. She pouted, fussed, yelled at me because she was hurt. Then she drew her "she's not my friend anymore" Kaylie a beautiful picture of them being friends. Four-year-old friendships are beautiful!
• I'm terrified today of the many times I will have to lovingly counsel my head-strong child on the intricacies of friendship.
  
• When Sarah Kate gets mad, she shuffles her hands, looks down, then starts subtly kicking. Last night at dinner she got mad after being corrected for some minor infraction. I asked her, "do you need to sit on the green rug?" (our official cool-down/time-out spot). She looked at me and said, "yes." She got down and sat for about 3 or 4 minutes, then came back to the table. "I sorry, Mommy."
• I love her correctability (I know that's not a word, but it should be). She struggles with shame over breaking rules, much like her Mommy. I think that's why she tucks her chin and starts her little angry dance. But her heart turns so completely. Her instructions are to sit until her attitude changes and she's ready to apologize. She gets to set her own time. And she will sit there as long as it takes to cool down and steer her will back in line. She comes back to me, contrite. "Sorry, Mommy. Yes mam." Even if that "yes mam" is not appropriate, she does it anyway. That seems to be her 2-year-old way of communicating submission. It humbles me every time. That is how beautiful and raw my own confession and submission to my Lord should be. "Sorry, Lord. Yes Sir."
• We are done with diapers. I can't get Sarah Kate to wear the last one (she still has not conquered the nights). So, I have one diaper left. I don't know how I feel about that. I've been waiting for this moment for 4 years and 8 months. But, I'm a little sad. I don't have a baby anymore.

I'll leave it at that. If I travel much further on that train [of thought], I might just wake my snoring hubby!

(I wish I had taken a picture of them today!)