I need to write this down. Make it real. A document to look back on when God's word is realized with a sleeping child in our home. A testimony that God's word, His timing, His purpose is personal.
Two weeks ago, I had 7 straight days of the words, "fear not." Sunday: the pastor's message. Monday: Crazy Love reading and Lifegroup discussion. Tuesday: in conversation with another believer, encouraging me to move from fear to faith. Wednesday: "fear" was the topic of our "Psychology of the Christian Life" study. Thursday: Beth Moore video. Friday: Respectable Sins reading (yes, I am reading 3 books at once). Saturday: Beth Moore homework. By the end of the week I was (ironically) a little afraid. I started thinking about all of the things God could be preparing me for with this "fear not" message.
Why do You want me to hear, "Fear not?"
For weeks, I have been turning over ministry in my mind. I know I am called to more than taking care of my family, going to church and work, this routine I am in. When scripture calls for me to give up everything for Christ, to die to myself and carry my cross, to care for the least of these, it is no joke. It is not a suggestion. It is a command. My life isn't a picture of sold out Christianity, of Crazy Love. I have been convicted by the safe life I have built.
Sunday, His personalized message became more specific. Through the movie The Blindside, I witnessed the power a loving family can have on one child. When David and I left that movie, we talked about what faith looks like, what living love looks like. I shared with him how the faces of Haitian orphans, new and old, are burned on my heart. When I think of helping Haiti, I think of bringing a child, void of parents, void of hope, into our home. I threw out the idea: what if loving God, living out our faith, loving the least of these means taking care of orphans. He didn't shoot the idea down as I might have expected (or secretly hoped because I am scared). He turned it over in his heart and mind, accepted that it is a very real possibility.
Adoption. A new idea to me. It sounds nice. But it scares me. I came up with one wh-question after another: where will we put them? who will help us pay? what kind of impact will it have on my kids? All the way to work Monday morning, God answered each one of those wh-questions with "FEAR NOT." The pounding from the week before took on new relevance. He prepared me for this call.
It gets even better! Monday night during Lifegroup, we drew numbers for our prayer partners. I learned the week before in the Esther study "The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord" (Pr 16:33). What a divinely inspired pair we became! As I shared my journey from fear to faith, a call to adopt, my partner shared she had felt the same calling only weeks earlier. God provided an opportunity to encourage and be encouraged. He also confirmed, once again, that this is real.
I visited the Show Hope website later that night. I read a scripture that became new and personal to me: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). I could almost sense God affirming His word to me. What He has laid out before me will happen. A mountain will move. I could not contain my tears. Tear of joy, fear, faith, promise, and hope. Hope for me and hope for a child (or children) who need to know God's love.
I have no firm vision of what comes next. I am reading, researching, sharing my thoughts with others. I have had additional bits of affirmation along the way. I love this conversation I get to have with my Lord! I want to keep my ears tuned to His voice. I don't want to miss a single minute of this journey to move a mountain and bring a child of God home with me!
